I was worried I was asexual for a while, but I guess when I do have romantic daydreams they’re about guys, so could it be I haven’t met my type yet?Anyway, my friend is trying to set me up with a guy who is apparently “really into me.” As far as I know, he’s intelligent, a good conversationalist, and a nice guy.
But should I be finding out by wading into the dating game? And if YOU aren’t bothered by your lack of desire for anyone — or you weren’t bothered by it until your friends pointed it out and made you feel like a freak because of it — than no one else should be either. Or, it could mean you simply haven’t met anyone who turns you on. If you think your feelings could be repressed because of your traditional upbringing, you could always try talking to a therapist. I mean, that’s what dating IS, no matter what your orientation. And agreeing to get coffee with someone or see a movie or go for a walk in the park doesn’t mean you owe that person anything. ” just as he or she is, and the best way to find out if there is a match is to actually, you know, spend time with that person. That connection may not happen on a first date or a second date or a third. And I can’t tell you with any certainty that the chase for that feeling would be worth the effort for you if the effort feels too much like work (but I can tell you with certainty that, for many people, the chase for the connection most certainly IS worth the effort when they finally find it).
Because the idea of spending a romantic evening with someone I only want to have good conversation with doesn’t seem right. Out of you whole letter (which was even a couple of paragraphs longer before I edited it), the line that stood out to me the most was this: “I was never particularly worried about any of this until my friends made a big deal about it.” And that just sucks, because maybe your friends mean well, but what they’re doing — making you feel like you have a problem when you don’t — is cruel. I can’t say that what you feel about dating and sex and being (or not being) attracted or interested in anyone romantically is , necessarily, but I also don’t see it as anything to worry about at all. What does your lack of romantic interest in anyone mean? Any time any of us goes out with someone, we are playing a game of “Is this a match? If you realize that it isn’t a match, you have still fulfilled your end of the bargain by giving it a shot. If it’s effort you can mostly enjoy, either because you enjoy the company of others or the effort is bringing you closer to knowing yourself or you simply really, really like getting coffee with people, then go for it.
I was never particularly worried about any of this until my friends made a big deal about it. Is my not dating during my teen years the reason why I’m so stunted in the hormone department now? But you shouldn’t feel like you to do anything that you don’t want to do.
Are romantic feelings and hormones like a muscle: the less you exercise them the more stunted they become? And you shouldn’t feel like you need to be anyone other than yourself.
Do you know of other women who only started noticing guys in their late twenties or early thirties? It’s ok if you’re still figuring out who, exactly, you are, and what you like and what turns you on.
I don’t know that any of us ever totally know ourselves.But with age and experiences — and, yes, relationships — we get to know more.And we grow more comfortable in our own skins and with our own decisions and with the quirks that make us unique. If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected](be sure to read these guidelines first). I’m twenty-five right and have never been on a date. I grew up in a very traditional family that kept a lot of tabs on me and my movements (I was never very rebellious anyway), and I went to an all-girls’ high school and didn’t really talk to boys at college. You can also follow along on Facebook and Instagram. You can read about me here, peruse the archives here and read popular posts here.